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2003-06-27 + 10:12 p.m.
what is it about going out socially where you lose the ability to talk, theres women there, good women, kind women who want to talk to you, some smile, some are single, some are looking for a guy like you, but you avoid the closeness, you keep the conversation to a polite impersonal nature an resort back to your friends at any oppotunity, im not scared of talking or makeing them laugh, i get this numb feeling an become emotionally detached.22.25 I had my monthly work meeting today where i have to report to my boss on how im progressing, my work this month was not good, my attention span has depleted to seconds, he says thing will have to change, he asked me if there was something on my mind as he felt i had become a little distant, i tried to be truthful with him, i told him the job had nothing to offer me, i told him that i had personal issues i would work out, i told him i didnt feel a part of his team. he understood. I rang barbara we spoke an i told her i wanted to visit her, she said it wasnt a good idea, i half agreed but still wanted to go. we then argued in a friendly manner about our social structure an different lives, she doesnt want me, i dont blame her. i spoke to my mother, i asked her if she thought i was ugly, she said no i asked her what i should do, she told me to look for another job, i told her i spent my whole life looking for another job, she agreed with me. fucking hell morrisey, why you got to make this stuff a way of life, it should of been a distraction thats all just a distraction
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