8pm on a saturday night.

Started smokeing again, not proud (or even addicted) they are just here so i had one.

I have spent half the day trying to find things out about my pc, my god the internet is a nightmare, talk about more questions than answers, i go in 'google' looking for a simple answer come out a mauled, shadowed, paranoid schizophrenic not dareing to mutter my own name incase it causes my pc to disolve into dust.

PC's are a broken product its official.

'Windows xp is designed for anyone to use' (it took me 3 hours to find that quote in the manual).

Spent the rest of my day looking for something to eat since i got my appetite back an baileys is well an truely OFF the menu. My cupboards are full but its all sauces an condiments. Perhaps some people may enjoy a meal of hot sauce, mixed with gravy granuals, salt, pepper an brown thin grain rice, served on a bed of self raiseing flour an marinated in malt vinegar with just a hint of olive oil? but not me.

Eight days till pay day an counting.

I rang my friend in london today, gonna go see him in a few weeks, i miss my 'old' old friends so much, ive lived in brighton for the last 3 yearsish an miss my friends from school, uni ect. they are the friends where i felt i could be myself, let my guard down a bit an act like im sixteen. I cant do that now. Its strange the only people who ever really made me laugh till my stomach hurts were the same ones i ditched after i decided to concentrate on growing up. Growing up sucks its full of people who tell crappy 'middle of the road' jokes and pretend to know what they are talking about and who just take the whole thing far to seriously an ive turned the same. I want to talk bad taste to people, i want to laugh at the stupid arsehole things in life, i want to be wicked, i dont want every flipping thing in my life to become a lessen to be learned.

Recklesness is a true art form an i miss it so much.